Week 1

This is in response to a post from My Heart's Desire: A Woman of Noble Character.
Week 1: Proverbs 31:10-12 Are you a virtuous and capable wife more precious than rubies? Does your husband trust you, and do you enrich his life? Do you bring him good everyday? Write a post about something you would like to change about yourself, and something you love about yourself. How does this add to the enrichment of your husband's life?

So many times when some new thought or challenge comes my way, I have to let it just sit between Him and me... waiting. Its a perfect time of year for changes. New Year's resolutions have never worked for me - I start off with enthusiasm but soon lose interest or am unable to follow through and they are forgotten I prefer to do as this challenge suggests... make a note or list of those things which I'd like to see different going into the future - and then my excuses or reasons why I can't change them.. and finally -with His help, what I can do to make the needed changes. This challenge stirs my heart.

Our 49th anniversary was January 20th which means we have been together over 50 years counting dating. I'm not satisfied with our relationship as it is, but have offhandedly dismissed those feelings as normal for this many years. Remembering back about 15 years, I was so excited about us 'retiring' together and the fun we would have. Children out on their own, grandchildren now all grown - it seemed the perfect time for us. The negatives seem so easy to see in our relationship - our differences - STILL marked after all these years. I'm very very much peaceful and I guess what you'd call opposite to the type A - which fits him perfectly. I love to be home and quiet, he loves to be busy. It takes HUGE things to bring me to anger - and very little to affect him. All these years, when I'd be dissatisfied, I'd remember that its not my job to change my husband- Its my job to just love him and present myself before God, a living sacrifice and I've always asked Him to change me to meet my husband's need. I do know that he trusts me without doubt. Acknowledging or naming those things that I possibly do to enrich his life is a bit more difficult. The biggest thing I ought to be doing is praying for him diligently - and I've been very lax about that....quick prayers for his safety when he goes out on the road - or for his health - The change I'd like here is to pray with fervor for Him - taking the time to really come before God and letting Him fill my heart and mouth with prayer for him I need to allow God to show me his need as I do for others.

I do the 'wifely things' like cooking, laundry - making sure he gets the foods that are healthy for him, making sure he has the vitamins he needs - Trying to listen better when he talks. I'm a very quiet person because he is extremely talkative. He's also losing his hearing and becomes very upset and angry when he can't hear me - which makes me even more quiet. Change me to meet His need, Lord still a most appropriate prayer and something I need to remember several times a day. I remember all his wonderful attributes:... such a gentle and generous heart - such love for his family and strong faith in God.

There are so many things I'd like to change about myself. Perhaps first is accepting myself as I am and going from there. lol. A lot of the changes I'd like revolve around health issues. I'm a clutterer, especially in the last 6 years - not sure why I feel unable to let go of things. Perhaps New England upbringing, but more likely something else. I want to consistently empty my house of anything we don't need, use or love - leaving room for so many other things such as reading, praying, writing to friends.

What do I love about myself. There's this lump in my throat as I realize there isn't anything I can say I love. I'm so very grateful for a close walk with God - for hearing Him, for the times He's allowed me to be part of something He's doing for someone else. I'm grateful to have an acceptance attitude about other people. I realize we all have clay feet and God is working on us all. That helps me not to be judgemental and to just love people where they are. People used to say they felt so peaceful after talking with me - people from church etc. I like that they find in me, peace. Another change I'd like is to find more about myself that I actually love. I think partly its because when I was young my focus was on my self - improvement, problems, etc. Now it seems to be that I'm a vessel the focus is on others. If I could get the house emptied a bit, more energy and more self esteem, that would bless my husband.

When I get up in the morning I remember that I am a doer of the Word and not a hearer only - this IS the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. I call those things which be not as though they are: I call diabetes GONE, I confess that I have all the energy required to every single thing He would have me do in a day. I am redeemed from all the curse of the law and know that He came to destroy all the works of the devil. The day begins and is intermittently filled with prayer as things come up. God orders my steps and He alone plans my days. He does all things well.